Holiday Wrap Up - 2 week Catch-up

Just a few more weeks until things quiet down at work. I took my youngest son to look at a local holiday display made by high school students to get in the mood. More photos here on my photo blog.

We had a nice, quiet, drama-free Thanksgiving dinner at our house. My sister and her family came over. Usually they host at their house. I used our good china, ironed my good tablecloth and napkins and for the first time used my grandmother's good silver. My hubby observed how much preparation is involved for a meal that is over in minutes!

My sister-in-law sent the lovely centerpiece in the photo above to us. They decided to stay at home this year. We are long over due for a trip to Chicago. Hopefully before too long... Maybe we'll even get to visit the Suburban Wow gals. .... Good to have goals!


It is finally feeling a bit like winter around here. I did manage to keep some flowers alive until December. Sadly today I had to cut them back as they were frozen and wilted. This picture was taken right after Thanksgiving. We had our first dusting of snow which melted by mid-morning!

Hard to believe it will be Christmas in just a few weeks. I feel horribly guilty about ignoring my blog & blog friends. I hope to be back in the swing of things by year end.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Recipe For Disaster - Holiday Re-Run

With the Thanksgiving Holiday this week, I thought I'd share one of my favorite holiday posts made 2 years ago to help a fellow blogger with MIL drama. With out further ado, I give you........

Recipe for Disaster
1 bunch of relatives
1 pinch of unresolved issues
a cooler of "adult" beverages
sharp utensils such as carving knives
1 small dining room
seating chart ( optional )

As your guests arrive, take their coats and casually toss them on a couch or bed in your designated "coat room". Hand each adult guest a beer, glass of wine or alcoholic beverage of their choice.Carefully seat your guests near the person most likely to irritate them. Throw in more "adult beverages".Wait until guests are sufficiently marinated and bring up an unresolved issue or touchy subject. Make sure the table is full of sharp objects such as carving knives and hot dishes.

Have a phone nearby and be ready to dial 911!

Thanksgiving is one of the busiest times for Emergency Rooms across the U.S.

Something about putting a bunch of people that are related, together in close quarters with a bunch of cutlery and bottles (or cans ) of "truth serum". Unresolved issues seem to surface and before you know it - hand to hand combat breaks out. It's always fun until someone gets hurt!

I have a few helpful tips to avert disaster. Remember, just like fire needs oxygen to keep burning, drama needs fuel to keep it going! Observe from a distance, avoid getting drawn in. Be prepared with some distractions. Distraction is the best weapon when tempers start to flare-up at family get-togethers. A little preperation can save much aggrevation!

Antidote for Holiday Hell

1 bunch of Celebrity Gossip Magazines
A television tuned to the latest football game
Several plates of appetizers
Everybody's favorite desserts
1 handful of shiny objects
A back-up dinner, in case of a cooking mishap

Family gossip usually starts the drama machine. As soon as the haughty whispering starts, direct the attention to the latest issue of People, US Weekly or the Star that is conveniently nearby. It is better to gossip about someone you don't know than those in the same house.

"Did you hear the latest about__________? ( fill in the blank with your favorite celeb )"

When the men-folk start to misbehave, turn your t.v. to a football game.

"Oh look! The game's on!"

The hypnotic lure of the idiot tube usually keeps 'em in line. Just make sure there are plenty of "cold ones" and snacks for commercial time.

Food is a great silencer. When mouths are full, it is hard to argue. Strategically placed plates of pre-dinner snack foods are a necessity at family gatherings.

Shiny objects are also a useful distraction for both men and children.

Make sure you have a back-up dinner in case of a kitchen mishap. Food disasters are a great source of tension.

Dessert is the crown jewel of a good meal. The threat of not serving it due to ill-mannered guests helps keep everyone in line.

A good sense of humor is also really helpful. Look on the bright side, if there is drama, it gives you something to talk about. Perhaps start a contest with your friends to see who can have the most disastrous holiday. This is one contest where everyone wins!

Life & Times of Bad Momma & Co. - 3 week Catch-Up

This time of year is my busy season at work and I find it difficult to post as frequently as the rest of the year. Partly due to lack of time and mostly due to lack of motivation and interesting material to write about.

This may be one of the longest periods that I have ignored my blog. Please forgive me. Not so much for dropping out of sight, but for the burst of randomness to follow:


Sign of the Times

A few days ago, while running errands for work, I passed a few sign-holders such as this gentleman for stores going out of business: Smith & Hawken; IDG Jewelers, and a furniture store. I keep hoping the economy has finally bottomed out but keep struggling for clear signs we are in recovery. Unfortunately, signs like these do not help.


Saving the Landfills

We try to reuse and recycle as much as possible. When we had some chips and pretzels that were well past their sell-by date, I was a bit concerned about throwing dozens of bags in the trash.

A co-worker suggested feeding them to the ducks. I gathered up my boys and some of their friends. We went to a nearby creek and served up high-sodium snacks to our fine-feathered friends. A fun time was had by all!

I only hope we are not responsible for creating health issues like hypertension. It's bad enough trying to pay for health care for my family.


Indian Summer

This past week the weather has been unseasonably warm for November. I took a bunch of photos of the last of my flowers. I also took a few photos of my decaying vegetable garden, a lady bug and a milkweed bug. You can see these on my photo blog: Driveby Shooting: November Garden Pictorial If you click on the photos, you can see them full-sized.

I am amazed at the detail my digital camera is able to get. I have an Olympus Camedia C-7000 zoom, 7.1 megapixels. At 4 or 5 years old, this is now outdated technology!


I also was able to get my car washed on Saturday. Might be the last time this year for this! I was able to get Alex to help a bit before he ran off to play!


Today we had a swim meet and we spent a good chunk of the day at the pool. I'll save that for another post. Maybe tomorrow? I have some ground to make up!

Twenty Minutes

Today I went to my youngest son's elementary school for "Muffins with Mom". There are several of these breakfast events to choose from. There is also "Donuts with Dad" and "Bagels with a Buddy". Each family can choose one each year to go to. My son chose the first event.

I wore my "Mom" jeans. The pair that emphasize my "Muffin Top". It only seemed fitting.

While I am extremely appreciative of this annual breakfast event, I couldn't help but wonder. The time alloted was from 7:30 to 7:50. Just 20 minutes. Just enough time to run in the building, grab a cup of coffee or juice and a muffin, find a seat and eat. Quickly.

I was able to meet a few moms at our table. Briefly. At 7:50 we briskly walked to the classroom. No time to talk to the teacher. Not even a wave. It was time for students to get ready and get down to business.

This reminds me of Parent-Teacher conferences.

Twenty minutes.

Feels like speed dating (not that I've ever done that).

This begs the question: What is so magical about "Twenty Minutes"?

It takes me Twenty Minutes just to warm up!

Random Wednesday - Random Tidbits

Case of the Blahs

"Boring is good" has been one of my mantras. With "Boring" comes lack of material to write about. It's been over two weeks since my last post. We're o.k. but I've been uninspired lately. I need to play catch up with everyone. Perhaps I can live vicariously through my blog friends.

Not that I'm Complaining

Since this weekend, I've noticed a surprising drop in emails, mostly spam. I have gotten used to cleaning my spam-clogged in-box every morning. The sudden lack of spam makes what is probably my normal amount of "real" emails seem alarmingly low. I sent myself test emails. Everything seems fine. I'm just a little spooked because I don't have an explanation.

Perhaps my email has a case of the blahs!

Showing School Spirit Today

Last Friday, a beloved teacher at my boys' middle school passed away. The whole school has been deeply saddened. Even though my boys never had a class with this educator, they are a bit in shock. Today the students are wearing their school colors and will line the sidewalk in unison this afternoon to honor this man on the day of his funeral as the procession drives by. What a neat tribute.



Lunch Line Blues / Fear of the Lunch Lady

Yesterday my youngest child left his lunch box at school. While it wasn't the first time this has happened, my husband decided that Colin should just buy his lunch at school. For some reason, Colin was a bit upset at this prospect. More like "freaked out".

As I was driving my child to school, we had a conversation about his lunch-time apprehension. Turns out he is afraid of the Lunch Lady. (Kind of ironic that one of my icons is the Lunch Lady Action Figure). Turns out the last time he bought lunch was 2 years ago and he is afraid because he does not think he speaks clearly in the lunch line.

While it may not be considered good manners, I gave him permission to point as he talks.

Update - Lunch went well. The Lunch ladies were nice. Colin discovered Cheese Bread and even bought a Trix Bar treat to help spend the money that has been sitting in his lunch account for 2 years!

Sum it Up Sunday - Week in Review

Time is Running Out!
This lovely Calculator-Alarm Clock came in the mail Wednesday thanks to my husband doing a price-comparison on Auto insurance. Even though I have yet to join AARP and I've gone through a 3rd extension of the deadline to join, I was sent this lovely gift. No note. Just showed up in the mail. Couldn't help but think there was a subliminal message involved. Kind of like the horse head from The Godfather!


Brace Yourself

Eldest Son got his braces off & on Thursday, received his retainer. He is supposed to wear this gadget 24/7 with a few exceptions. So far he's not being very cooperative. He's either eating, about to eat, just eaten or "playing sports". Said sports include: throwing a Nerf football with his baby brother, riding his bike around the neighborhood, and playing with neighborhood kids.

I've made a new rule: No retainer, No TV!

Miracles do Happen

This week I also had my 1st Parent-Teacher conference for my 6th-grader. He is doing well in school and is well-liked by all. Only negative is his organizational skills (or lack thereof). He needs to slow-down, proof-read his work and organize his notebook & backpack. My 7th grader likes to be organized and has been making fun of what a disaster his brother's locker is.

I also struggled with being Organizationally-impaired growing up. It is a life-long battle.

We decided that it might be a good idea for Alex to come in early one day a week to straighten & properly file papers at school. I also approached the idea of my oldest son helping his brother with his locker. My middle-son reluctantly agreed to let his brother help, as long as he wouldn't be "judged".

I came home Friday afternoon to find that both boys stayed after school to straighten up the messy locker. Without being told and without any bickering!

It's not even Christmas yet. Miracles really do happen!

The Plague Hits Home
Yesterday we discovered my middle-child was running a high fever and has caught some sort of Flu-Bug. We are keeping him sequestered mostly in his room, letting his roommate/younger brother camp-out in the loft on a sofa. At this point, I would guess that we are all exposed and at risk. But just in case, we are taking a few precautions.

My husband spoke to our pediatrician. The epidemic has hit our schools, with as much as 50% of the student population that may be infected in the next week or two. Not much we can do but keep our patient comfortable, hydrated and isolated. Could last for several days.

I now am worried every time I have a "Hot-Flash". Menopause or the Flu? Perhaps I need to start wearing a surgical mask!

New Bike
Christmas also came early in the way of a shiny new bicycle for my eldest. Devon has been wanting a new bike with gears and other accoutrement befitting a teenage boy. He will be turning 13 in a few months but couldn't wait. After a few weeks of shopping around, he found "the one" today at Target!

Much to my husband's surprise, the kid even brought a wad of cash from his allowance and odd-job payouts. I guess "Santa" will have to find another gift to bring!

Wordless Wednesday: Braces came off today!

The Accountability Project

I remember this time last year, sitting in the middle-school auditorium and listening to the PTO President give words of advice to parents as part of orientation: Make sure you get to know your kids' friends AND the parents of your kids' friends. Mixed in with other advice (more like warnings) I was a bit terrified of what I might expect in our freshman year at Middle school.

"We were also told in many different ways that this will be a challenging year ( I believe the term "wild ride" was used once or twice!). The PTO lady also stressed the importance of making sure you were involved in your child's life. Also to get to know all their friends. And the parents of their friends. This was the most important mission of the PTO.

WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO! What kind of "Wild Ride" lies ahead????"

Fortunately, last year was a pretty smooth ride. This year looks to be a bit bumpier. Not so much at school but more so in our neighborhood. Between a few new faces in the 'hood and the boundaries of nearby playmates expanding, there are lots more boys, pick-up games of ball and noise filling our street. With all this additional testosterone also more skirmishes and incidents of bullying.

The Turning Point

This summer, after a fight broke out in the middle of a "friendly" game of Kick-Ball, the mom of the house took action. She escorted the fight-starter home and told his mother what had happened that day. As well as some other incidents she had heard about but not witnessed.

The mother of the "fight-starter" took disciplinary action. Once the flow of information started, an amazing improvement in behavior was made.

Making Policy

That day, a new policy was started. From now on, if there was an "incident of bad behavior", the rest of the children were responsible for telling a parent and the offending child (children) would be escorted home. There would also be a ban of a week until the child(children) would be allowed back. Any child that does not report, or takes matters into their own hands, will also be punished. Game over.

Meeting of the Moms

As new boys have entered the circle, the process continues. We are continuing to meet new mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers & aunts and exchanging phone numbers. The process works both ways: we also get reports on our children. While it won't completely put a stop to fights and bullying, I have noticed a remarkable improvement.

At first I was a bit apprehensive about meeting parents of the "problem children" but have been pleasantly surprised. We all share similar goals and none of our children are perfect. I love the fact that if there is a problem, I know who to talk to and conversely as well. It really does take a village to raise a child.

I am also finding that our children make better choices when they know they are being watched. And held accountable!

Dateline: Monday.... found a great article related to this topic:
http://www.slate.com/id/2223976/pagenum/all/#p2

Saturday Snap Shots

Happy Sofa Safety Week - Safety doesn't stop at our doorstep! We also practice Sofa-Safety in our house. Wearing a helmet prevents head injuries from falling off the sofa.


Helmet-Wearing has become 2nd nature in our family due to strict enforcement by Dad. Youngest boy had been watching television for almost an hour when I took this picture. I wish he could apply this kind of dedication to other areas of his life. (like piano practice & homework!)


I had to take a photo of my end of the season salad from my garden. It's a rare occasion where I can get all of these vegetables together at the same time. ( lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber & chives.)


While most of my flowers have bit the dust, Zinnias are in full bloom and are a favorite of Bumblebees. I took another series of photos posted on my photo blog. Loved how it coincides with Rosh Hashanah ( the Jewish New Year)

I'm O.K., Just a bout of CPS

Just a quick post as I recover from C.P.S. ( Couch Potato Syndrome).

I've had another relapse of sorts where I have been neglecting my blog writing, reading, commenting and Twitter duties. My brief, sad story is this:

A combination of being overwhelmed at work, busy at home with Back to School, and trying to adjust to the new routines that Fall brings, has turned me into a "Couch Potato" at night. Lack of exercise, stress, poor diet and hunching over a laptop just don't mix.

Back, neck and leg pain and the beginnings of a "Dowager Hump" is forcing me to limit my nightly affair with my comfy couch and laptop. I've actually thought about reconsidering the offers of membership to A.A.R.P.!

Bear with me as I figure out a way to work in some exercise while I ease back into the blog world. I feel so out of the loop and need to catch up with my blog-friends.

We have our annual block party tonight. Should be worth a post!

I'll be back! Soon!

Clothes Buying Olympics - Another Personal Best Time

As I had mentioned in my last post, my eldest son has been is dire need of long pants. He thinks he can wear shorts until it snows and does not see this as a problem. I beg to differ. I am starting to get busy at work and want to not worry about emergency shopping trips. Last year I had to make a run to Target and buy a new dress shirt, dress pants, tie & belt 1 hour before a band concert due to a growth spurt and poor wardrobe planning!

This year it took a few different attempts until I found the perfect technique.

Attempt 1: Mix school supply shopping with clothes shopping. Managed to buy 2 pair with a bit of cajoling ( 1 pair at Meijer, 1 at Target). This was done begrudgingly and pants were not tried on.

Attempt 2: Leave child at home and pick out a pair while helping middle son find proper gym shorts. Found 2 pair of shorts for middle, more cooperative son and another pair of pants at Target for eldest. Funny thing is that my oldest son pitched a fit that he hated the pants and then we discovered they were identical to a pair he picked out 2 days earlier. (he claims he picked said pants out under duress)

Attempt 3: "Kidnap" your child and don't tell them where you are going until they are locked in the car and on their way to store. I did this the other day.

I picked up the boys at a friends house and told them I needed to go to the library. After returning a book, I called my husband so he knew I had my children and were on the way to the department store. My hubby and I decided that we needed 3 more pair of pants and he told us not to come home until we purchased them.

I thought I had a coupon for Kohl's so we went there. In under 20 minutes, Devon found a pair he deemed acceptable. After trying them on in 2 different sizes, we decided the larger size would work with an 1" hem. As luck would have it, the said pants came in 2 other colors. We snatched them up and made our way to the counter.

Bad News : Coupon expired the week before.

Good News: Pants were on sale at almost half-off! ($19.99 down from $36.99).

Bad News: I now have to hem 6 pair of pants. ( not one of my talents).

Later that night, I was so over-joyed at my success, I hemmed 3 pair.

I am half-way done and will use Labor Day weekend to finish this task. I guess this will be a "work" holiday. How's that for irony? (or ironing which I will also be forced to do!).

Back to School Angst

Today is the first day of school complete with a sleepless night, butterflies in the stomach and a few tears. And that's just ME! The boys seem to be faring much better. Or so they would have me believe....

It's Elementary, My Dear Reader
My "baby" is entering the 4th grade and the last child in elementary school. It will be several years (five to be exact) till I have all three boys together again. I am most nervous about my youngest child. The transition to Public School from Montessori School has been the most challenging for him. The last two years he was tottering between two grade levels due to his proficiency in Math. After careful consideration in conjunction with school administrators, we decided to have him pushed ahead a year in all subjects to provide more consistency.

While we know he is up for the task academically, I worry about maturity. Will he fit in with his peers? Will he be the smallest child in his class? Will he make friends? Are we doing the right thing?

In my heart, I know we have made the best choice but there is always a niggle of doubt.

Middle School - Middle Son Challenge

My middle son is now a middle schooler entering the 6th grade. He is giddy with excitement. A little too excited if you ask me. The kind of excitement that may ignite a beat-down from a bully. Or an older brother, which is more likely.

Not only has this child gotten all the "good" teachers. (according to student opinion) He is in his brother's 7th grade Honor Math class. Much to my eldest's dismay. While I am a bit worried about the competition that is brewing, I can't help but be a bit amused.

Clothes Competition

On the competition front, clothes are also a major issue. All the 10-12 size pants have made their way to my middle son's closet. My elder son is a P.I.A. to shop for AND has no long pants. Next size up is 12-14. A 4-6 inch length difference and he is right in-between sizes.

Crap! Now I have to hem... Not one of my better skills. In college I perfected the "Staple Hem" but not sure this will work here. I wonder if my son learned enough in last year's Home Ec to do his own tailoring. Probably not. Good thought though...

Back to Work

I have been preoccupied with anticipation of the days events and trying to put my thoughts down. It is now mid=morning. Time to get to work! I'll be on pins and needles all day until I get an update....

Hope all your "First Days" have gone well! *fingers crossed*!


Update: Dinnertime
The day went pretty well near as I can tell. Youngest seemed to have a pretty good, albeight non-descript day. But I guess no news is good news.

Just the normal "brotherly love" between the older two. Eldest tried to ditch Middle Son on the way to school but was unsuccessful. In math class my 7th grader was teased by a few friends about his younger brother being in the class. (he was one of six 6th graders that were advanced.)

My middle son enjoyed his brother's efforts to diss him. At one point in class when no one was watching, my eldest leaned in and whispered in his brother's ear, "If evil had a face, it would be yours!"

We are still missing a few required supplies so I will be heading out shortly to perform my motherly duties!

Time for dinner!

Sum it up Sunday

It seems like the Summer has gone by in a flash. We are finally getting some hot weather. My vegetable garden is starting to look a bit ravaged as our tomatoes are coming on faster than we can eat them. Snap pea season is over and my vines are all brown. My yellow squash vines are also drying up after producing a bumper crop this year. What once was full of promise and anticipation is turning to melancholy and dread.

Less than two weeks till Back to School. I am not ready for Fall!!!

Took the boys for a quick dip at our neighborhood pool tonight. We then came home and I made some Bruschetta / French Bread Pizza with some over-ripe (rotting) tomatoes, basil & mozzarella. Yum!

I was hoping to take some garden photos today but I was uninspired. I think I will post a few of my favorites that I have on my photo blog ( Drive by Shooting).

Wordless Wednesday at the Swim Banquet

All three boys let me wear their Swim Metals. Not sure if I felt like Michael Phelps' Mom or more like Ed McMahon & MC Hammer in Cash4Gold.

Company is Coming & I'm Not Cleaning - a Bad Momma Haiku

I take a long nap
out of child-like defiance.
I was told, not asked

Where's My Malibu Beach House?

Last night my husband and I took our youngest son to the pool for an hour and then out for frozen custard. My older two boys had "ditched" their little brother when playing with a group of children earlier in the day. We believe in making the punishment fit the crime, so my husband, "baby" and I ditched them!

After our brief stint at the pool, while we were enjoying our frozen treats on the patio of the frozen custard restaurant, a little girl came to a stop a few feet in front of us. She looked up at us and then turned to her family who was sitting nearby.

"Mom! Is that Barbie?" she called out to her mother.

My dear husband, without missing a beat, gleefully answered back. "No, but they both turned 50 this year!"

I don't know if it was the fact I was wearing a bathing suit with a sheer cover-up, the large neon-pink bag or the over-sized sunglasses (the ones that celebrities & old-ladies seem to favor). This was the first time I've ever been mistaken for a celebrity of such proportions. I was secretly overjoyed. There are far worse icons to be identified with.

I guess I must be channeling my inner Barbie. I suddenly feel the need for a beach house!

Twitter is Down

Help! Twitter is down..... I'm going through withdrawl! What would this be called? Twitdrawl? Cold Twiturkery?

Are we under attack? I wonder who is behind this heinous denial of service act... Microsoft? Google? 3rd party Terrorists?

I hear that FaceBook is breaking too. (I'm oddly o.k. with that one). How am I going to waste the time that I don't have to waste? Is this the end to life as we know it?

Suddenly I don't feel so good.. *sigh*

The room is spinning & starting to go dark. I need to lie down.....


Blogger please don't break too!

#addictedtotwitter

Wordless Wednesday in the Garden of Bad Momma - Today's Special

Lessons Learned From BlogHer by Flat Bad Momma

(click on photos to see full size)
Lesson 1. When carpooling you should run a background check on the people in your carpool.

Who knew that there were a few outstanding warrants in several states for Amy T. "Doobleh-vay" Sharp? Pretty sure she committed more than a few parole violations over the course of the weekend.


Lesson 2. Make sure you carry some clean hankies or wipes.

While it was very exciting to get to meet many of my blogger friends in person, between the smootchies, tears and spilled drinks, I was pretty sticky by the end of the weekend.


Lesson 3. Either lock up your liquor or be clear as to what is communal property.
Who knew that it wasn't 2 bottles per person like it is at home.I guess I forgot to tell my roomies about my "hollow leg". ( Glad Flat Weasel Momma wasn't in our room, supply would have been depleted in under an hour.)

Lesson 4. Good idea to run background checks on your roomies as well. There are a few NSF photos that are making their way around Flickr. Who knew when seemingly level-headed moms get away from home and have a few cocktails they turn into wild animals. There goes any chance of running for public office.... I hope my family doesn't see these.

Lesson 5. Going Flat was a cool idea! Thanks to Darryle P for the idea of going big.

DarryleP@ElisaC @badmommablogger Go "Flat" to BlogHer--- next best thing to being there. http://tinyurl.com/chj4yp2

I was able to sneak in to sold-out events and even cut in line to meet cool people like Carson "The Queer Eye" Kressley. Thanks for not "outing me" Melisa!

While it was easier being flat when maneuvering the lines for swag, I am truly sorry for anyone I delivered a paper-cut to while doing so. However, it was totally worth the Fling. (best chocolate bar ever!).

I am having such a good time that I have stayed behind in the Windy City, spending time with family and waiting to meet up with Melisa, Sue, Michelle, Weasel Momma and the rest of their gang. Maybe I'll even make it to a taping of Suburban Wow!

Thanks so much to Momo Fali for taking me. And for Piper, Melisa, Momo & Amy for the fun photos. (sucks that Momo lost her camera at the hotel & hope her missing pics don't fall into the wrong hands.)

Well, that's all for now. Hope to have more adventures in the next few weeks. As most of the weekend was a fuzzy haze, if you have any photos or stories about Flat Bad Momma, please share!

Bad Housewife

Potential Sponsor in The Making

July 22, 2009

A Mad Housewife Shout Out To Bad Momma!

Here's a Shout Out To

Bad Momma - Ramblings & life lessons from a late-in-life mom such as why it is important to use your reading glasses when dispensing medications!

We are happy to hear that we are a part of the Bad Momma "Pick Me" list. So glad that Mad Housewife wine can be there to take the edge off your days. And nights!

Bad Housewife? No, just a Mad Housewife!

Sorry guys, in addition to being a Bad Momma, I'm pretty sure I'm a Bad Housewife. Just ask my poor husband.

Mad Housewife wines needs to change with the times. There are many types of Housewives, have you never seen an episode of Desperate Housewives? What about the reality show(s) The Real Housewives of _______ (fill in the blank with your favorite metro city). Lonely & Naughty Housewives (pretty sure these are "dating" or "phone-in" services for which I will not link). And the list goes on and on...

I think Mad Housewife Wines should follow the folks at Jones Soda and start customizing your labels. And you should start with ME, Bad Momma!

Bad Momma Housewife Sauvignon Blanc

This crisp, elegant & fresh wine has the distinctive characteristics of grapefruit (for my acerbic wit) and grass ( stains that I can't get out of the boys' pants). A versatile vintage that can be paired with pizza, pasta or even chicken nuggets! Sip by the glass or chug direct from the bottle. Easy to open with Stelvin Closure (aka screw cap) Included are 2 extra-long bottle straws.


I think I am on to something. I could use a good agent in the Washington State area.
Any volunteers? Ann? I bet this is right up your alley!


If YOU were a wine, what would you be?

Bad Momma in the City!

I'm so excited! I finally got to meet Momo Fali. And she's taking me with her to BlogHer!!!!
One small problem. In order to make room for all the luggage & passengers that she is picking up along the way, I needed to be a bit more "compact".


There is quite a bit of road construction near her house ( actually all over the city - thanks to Stimulus Money). We quickly hatched a plan to create Flat Bad Momma. Thanks to the men in yellow hats & shirts, the steel road reinforcements worked really well.

To help polish me up a bit, I went to a nearby print shop, Photographic Creations where the owner, Mike took good care of me. He even introduced me to Buckeye icons, Kirk Herbstreit and Woody Hayes. What an honor!

Now I am with another "Buckeye Great" - Momo Fali who is graciously taking me for a wild and crazy weekend in Chicago. I hope all my blog friends who are going to BlogHer, will stop and take a photo with me. Rumor has it that I might be working registration. Momo also promised to take me to a few parties.

I can't wait!!!!!

One More Possible Sponsorship

In my last post, I mentioned a few products that I would be willing to shill for a reasonable "fee".
I forgot to mention one of my beauty staples: Garnier Nutrisse hair color.
HoneyDip #73 for the Summer and Brown Sugar #63 for the rest of the year.
I would make a great spokesmodel for the AARP set. (bastards won't leave me alone. For the last time: I don't want your stinking benefits and shiny membership card!)


Move over Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm taking over. It's Bad Momma in the City, baby!

Endorsements for a Late-In-Life Mom

Mike from Unraveling Life's Mysteries, posted about possible endorsements he was available for as an older father of teenage daughters. Products he could use in his daily life.

I was so inspired, I decided to come up with my own list. These are products that I actually use and would be willing to promote for a very reasonable fee.

The Bad Momma "Pick Me" List:

First off: Reading Glasses: Especially when dispensing medications. These handy magnifying lenses can help save lives! Thankfully I learned this before my children were seriously harmed. I'd be willing to do a PSA on this! The Importance of Reading Glasses After 40




Next on my list: Bandages, Anti-Bacterial ointment, First-Aid Kits. I have three boys. Enough said!


Another very important part of my life: COFFEE
It's what's for breakfast! I'd even be willing to be filmed riding a mule with Juan Valdez!




I also enjoy an occasional glass of wine to help take the edge off of a long day.

I think the folks at Mad Housewife should use me on their label when they come up with the next generation of vintages: Bad Housewife tm.





After my run-in with a stop-sign crashing driver, I would be happy to endorse Travelers Insurance (the at fault drivers insurance).

They were prompt and fair with the rental car & settlement. And no, alcohol was not involved!


The folks at Chrysler should use me as a "Spokes-model" for the Town & Country mini-van. We been proud owners of five of these reliable vans. (or as Weasel Momma likes to call them - "MILF mobiles) My latest is the 2008 with Stow-n-Go and the Touring Package. Came with 1 year of Sirius Radio and my husband is hooked on the Comedy Channel.

Next up is a very important part of my life, that keeps me connected: My "Smart Phone" - the Samsung Omnia. It was a ChanuKwanzamas present from the Cell-Phone Fairy.

There are a few drawbacks. In addition to "my butt dialing out" as well as texting without my permission, the screen is hard to read without reading glasses.

I would like to help with the next generation of cell phones for "Seniors" called the "Eye Phone"patent pending for the over 40 crowd.


And finally, thanks to the folks at AARP, I am now considered a "Senior". I have noticed as I have turned 50 this year, the aging process has accelerated and I could use a bit of maintenance.
I would love to work with the folks at Extreme Makeover for a new series: Extreme Makeover- The Senior Edition.

After helping to pioneer a new procedure, "The Elbow Lift", I would also like to be considered for a Tummy-Tuck, Neck Lift and Mini-Face Lift. ( and any other improvements deemed necessary to turn me into a Cougar.)

Going to BlogHer (sort of)

Momo Fali has graciously offered to take a flattened version of me with her to BlogHer. I would love to have my picture taken with you if you are going to be there. I should have a photo to post tomorrow of "Flat Bad Momma".

If any of you have connections to sponsors, feel free to hook me up!