Sunday, November 18, 2007

Antidote for Holiday Hell

Recipe for Disaster
1 bunch of relatives
1 pinch of unresolved issues
a cooler of "adult" beverages
sharp utensils such as carving knives
1 small dining room
seating chart ( optional )


As your guests arrive, take their coats and casually toss them on a couch or bed in your designated "coat room". Hand each adult guest a beer, glass of wine or alcoholic beverage of their choice.Carefully seat your guests near the person most likely to irritate them. Throw in more "adult beverages".Wait until guests are sufficiently marinated and bring up an unresolved issue or touchy subject. Make sure the table is full of sharp objects such as carving knives and hot dishes.

Have a phone nearby and be ready to dial 911!

Thanksgiving is one of the busiest times for Emergency Rooms across the U.S.

Something about putting a bunch of people that are related, together in close quarters with a bunch of cutlery and bottles (or cans ) of "truth serum". Unresolved issues seem to surface and before you know it - hand to hand combat breaks out. It's always fun until someone gets hurt!

I have a few helpful tips to avert disaster. Remember, just like fire needs oxygen to keep burning, drama needs fuel to keep it going! Observe from a distance, avoid getting drawn in. Be prepared with some distractions. Distraction is the best weapon when tempers start to flare-up at family get-togethers. A little preperation can save much aggrevation!

Antidote for Holiday Hell

1 bunch of Celebrity Gossip Magazines
A television tuned to the latest football game
Several plates of appetizers
Everybody's favorite desserts
1 handful of shiny objects
A back-up dinner, in case of a cooking mishap

Family gossip usually starts the drama machine. As soon as the haughty whispering starts, direct the attention to the latest issue of People, US Weekly or the Star that is conveniently nearby. It is better to gossip about someone you don't know than those in the same house.

"Did you hear the latest about__________? ( fill in the blank with your favorite celeb )"

When the men-folk start to misbehave, turn your t.v. to a football game.

"Oh look! The game's on!"

The hypnotic lure of the idiot tube usually keeps 'em in line. Just make sure there are plenty of "cold ones" and snacks for commercial time.

Food is a great silencer. When mouths are full, it is hard to argue. Strategically placed plates of pre-dinner snack foods are a necessity at family gatherings.

Shiny objects are also a useful distraction for both men and children.

Make sure you have a back-up dinner in case of a kitchen mishap. Food disasters are a great source of tension.

Dessert is the crown jewel of a good meal. The threat of not serving it due to ill-mannered guests helps keep everyone in line.

A good sense of humor is also really helpful. Look on the bright side, if there is drama, it gives you something to talk about. Perhaps start a contest with your friends to see who can have the most disastrous holiday. This is one contest where everyone wins!

2 comments:

Cristina Mathers said...

nice! great suggestions!

Tiff said...

LOL! Great suggestions! Although our family does not have unresolved issues it's nice to know just in case!!