Letters from Camp

This time last year I received a frantic phone call from my sister. She wanted me to Fed-Ex a care package to her 11 year-old son, Justin and his 8 year old brother, Aaron who were away at summer camp. Apparently Justin was extremely homesick. Aaron was also a bit reluctant to leave the comforts of home. The boys' counselors let them sneak in some Hermit crabs that my sister let her boys buy on the way to camp. It was hoped that this would ease the separation anxiety.

The situation was so bad that Justin's camp counselor called. The counselor recommended that my sister write more frequently and send a care package.

Justin, her oldest had been faxing a series of letters that my sister found upsetting. She felt guilty leaving her two boys for four weeks at an out of state, sleep-away camp and the notes broke her heart. It was a several hour-long drive to take them there and she was ready to jump in her car, drive for hours and take them home, early.

After getting all the necessary information to send a care package, I asked her to fax copies of my nephew's missives. They were so over-the-top, and entertaining I am adding them to my blog. The original letters have been destroyed by the author. He found out his Mom and Aunt had been sharing them with others. All that is left are the copies that were faxed to me.

Spelling & grammar are mostly verbatim.
Enjoy!


1st Letter

Dear Mom / Dad:

Take me home now I want to go home so badly I don't care that the crabs are here, the crabs could die for all I care but I just can't believe you just left me here

take me home now,
Justin

2nd letter

Dear Mom / Dad:

Please take me home!

I'm misrable without you. I can't stop thinking (about) you guys and the more I think about you the more I cry.

Who knows they may give us a refund.

Love,
Justin

Letter 3

Dear Mom /Dad: tuesday

I want to go home, Aaron wants to go home were both really homesick, he allways asks
" When are we going home" but when I ask him how home-sick he is he says just a little but I know he is really sad I just don't want to call so I disapoint everyone and oh yea, I sharted in my pants.

continue on second letter

love Justin

letter 4

Dear Mom / Dad : teusday

I miss you so much I just want to go home. I miss your guses comfort I even had a dream that I never saw you again. I was fishing with dad at the beach when dad went for a swim but I dont rember much of it but in the end dad was atacked by the fish and I jumped in to help him but I woke up.

Love Justin

letter 5

Dear Mom / Dad:

Take me home now! I'm getting really pissed of 'cause your not repling to my milloins of letters and Aaron's hermet crab died and they say I can't call you unless I'm like totaly balling so call me the seconed you get this

take me home now
Justin
p.s. I 'm just about to fake cry so I can come home

letter 6

Dear Mom:

take ME HOME NOW

The best part of the story is that when Mom & Dad came to pick the brothers up when the session ended, the boys were crying because they were not ready to go home!!!

Side-Show Tomato

I found this tomato growing in our garden. It has a proboscis that looks like Pinnochio's nose. My hubby is afraid the tomato has some sort of produce cancer and will not eat it. I think it looks like a chicken. I used another tomato and some basil leaves to prove my point. What do you think?

Don't Rap & Drive

And other helpful driving tips

Rush hour traffic can get backed up at the light before the freeway intersection on my morning commute to work. There are a few apartment complexes and streets that empty into the main drag.

I make a conscientious effort to not block driveways when I come to a stop and will signal a driver that it is o.k. to cut in front of me by wildly gesturing with my right hand.

The other day, I was approaching this intersection when the gentleman in a white car in front of me was waving to a car stopped at the end of a driveway.

"What a nice guy!" I thought. "The light is green and he is letting her cut in. Even I am not this courteous! "

As the other driver started to turn onto the street, the nice gentleman did not stop. Fortunately the lady had good brakes! I glanced back to the white car. WTF??? - the guy is still gesturing!!!!!

At that point I realized he was keeping time to his drive-time jive, blissfully unaware that he almost caused an accident.

.....Later that day I received a monthly newsletter in the mail at work from a local auto service. As I was glancing through it, a headline caught my eye. " Don't Text And Drive "

Now that just struck me as hilarious! Who the hell can text while driving? I can't even do this when chewing gum. I rarely text and when I do it requires all my concentration.

"Andrea!" I gleefully called out to one of my co-workers. " I have a driving tip for you!"

She looked up from her lunch-time reading.

" Don't Text And Drive!!!!!" I chortled, expecting her to laugh with me.

" I've recently stopped doing that." she said straight-faced.

I realized she was serious. I knew that she was prolific at sending text messages but how the hell can you do this while watching the road??? Apparently she can type out short messages on her cell phone keypad without looking.

Is there some kind of special typing class for cell phone users??? Must be a Gen X & Y thing!

I surveyed all my 20 something associates and they all admitted to texting while driving. I could feel my grey roots showing. Wow do I feel old and feeble.

I came up with some other driving tips :

If you are not a good driver, Do Not get customized license plates or have your business logo emblazoned on your vehicle. You can be easily identified and trust me, this is probably not good promotion. My mini-van has a bumper sticker that states: "IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING, STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK" Now that's truth in advertising!

Only put cans or cups of clear, sugarless drinks in your car's cup holder. This will minimize the stain & sticky residue factor when there is a spill. Try to limit sips to when car is at a stop. Oh, BTW...Gin,Vodka or any other clear "adult" beverage is never o.k. while driving.

If you must talk on your cell phone, put it to speaker and keep your phone out of sight. Make sure you are able to keep both hands on the steering wheel so you won't piss-off other drivers. (Drivers that are seen talking on cell phones while driving can incite "cell phone rage.)

and last but not least,

If you like to sing along, chair dance or use your steering wheel as a drum when listening to your car stereo, DON'T do so while driving!!!!! Either turn to a classical or talk radio station or turn off your radio. You look like an idiot and you might cause an accident!

Almost Dying from Laughter

My oldest son was a Heimlich maneuver away from a possible homicide charge. The weapon? - inducing laughter with a really lame joke /really stuuupid statement while his brother had a mouth full of blue Kool-Aid.

Dinnertime with three young boys can be extremely challenging. In addition to having to be a short order cook ( if you consider microwave meals or pizza to be cooking ), I also have to be a Peace Officer. As the boys have gotten older, they have learned how to use the microwave themselves and are not supervised as closely. These lapses of policing provide opportunities for the boys to get out of control.

It starts with a slightly silly comment or joke and before you know it my three little monkeys get spun out of control. All it takes is a silly look or word to induce raucous laughter. It is all in the delivery! At this point either glasses full of liquid get spilled or food gets spewed across the table signaling the end of dinner with no hope of dessert.

This past week, dinner started out much the same. Food was set out, boys seated, Dad was in the basement on his computer and Mom retreated to her "quiet room" *. The giggling started and before I knew it I heard laughter followed by a big thud.

"Alex!!!Alex!!! Are you alright?!!!" my oldest and baddest boy yelled to his brother. As both my husband and I came running, my middle child was on the floor choking with his big brother slapping him on the back.

Apparently as Alex was taking a big gulp of Kool-Aid, his brother made him laugh. " Boogers are tasty!" was the lethal joke. Unable to swallow and fearful of spraying the room with blue liquid, he fell to the floor choking. He somehow managed not to spit out any of his drink. After coughing and gasping for what seemed like an eternity, he regained his breath.

Blame and punishments were doled out. I was in trouble for not keeping watch; dessert and after dinner television were cancelled for that evening. My youngest son refers this event as " the time Devon almost killed Alex".

So now you will believe me when I tell you dinnertime at our house can be murder.

* my "quiet room" is what I started calling the living room after I got a new comfy "shabby chic" sofa group. The boys were allowed to jump on and pull apart Dad's to make sofa forts but not with in my quiet room with my new furniture!

Project Hummingbird

My 6 year old is becoming a "birder". I had given him a Fandex Family Field Guide on North American birds which he has memorized. He constantly IDs birds and he appears to be right most of the time. Unfortunately we don't know enough to catch possible mistakes.

When he was at the library a few weeks ago, he was given a bookmark with a photo of a duck on it. He took one look at it and announced, " This is a wood duck!". The librarian peered down at him from her perch at the checkout.

" Isn't it pretty? Wooden ducks come in lots of colors!" she chirped in a sugary voice.

My little birder looked at her with a puzzled look. My husband explained that our son had a bird guide committed to memory and this was a photo of a wood duck, not a "wooden duck". From the dumbstruck expression on her face, I guess she learned something new that day.

To encourage this educational hobby, Daddy bought a Hummingbird feeder and hung it outside an upstairs window so the boys can watch the Hummingbirds snack from dawn to dusk. Hummingbird feeders come in bright colors, usually red to attract the tiny, long-beaked, helicopter-like birds.

My clever boys decided to help "advertise" our new 24 hour diner. They used brightly colored K'Nex plastic building pieces to create a windowsill garden. ( see above photo ).

From the looks of our frequent little whirling customers, it looks like their campaign was a success! ( see photo below)

How to get a total stranger to pay for your groceries

It's never a good idea to go to the grocery store late at night or when you are hungry. A few weeks ago I did both.

My brother-in-law & his eldest son were coming in for the weekend. I wanted to make sure we had a well stocked refrigerator. By the time I left for the store, it was after 9:00 p.m. and I took my oldest son. We were both tired and hungry. The boys love to grocery shop with me, especially when I am hungry, because I am an impulse buyer. I will let them buy brand name products and a lot of junk that Dad won't. Dad is price conscious and is a fan of the generic brands of grocery items which don't quite taste the same.

We made a thorough sweep of the store and filled our cart with all the essentials and more. By the time we made it to the checkout, my tired assistant was beyond hungry. We were in luck, there were no lines and the cashier had a bagger.

As my son was helping unload the cart, I had the cashier ring up the family-size pack of chicken breasts first because I was confused about a sale sign near the chicken. When the chicken was rung up at regular price, the cashier gave the pack of poultry to the bagger to check the sale sign.

I was a bit concerned that the meat section is at the back of the store but we had a lot of groceries and no one behind us. The bagger also had our chicken which I wanted either way and we were now committed to wait until he returned.

The rest of our groceries were rung up and bagged while a man with three items got in line behind us. He put them on the conveyor belt, oblivious to our situation. I was now getting uncomfortable. Where is our bagger boy? I have a surly 10 year old giving me the evil eye, another person in line and I just wanted to leave.

In the blink of an eye, before I could apprise the gentleman of our situation, he had pulled out his credit card and with a flick of the wrist, paid for our groceries.

He was on auto-pilot and did not notice that his small pile had not moved from where he deposited it. The cashier was flustered as I thanked the man for buying us $80 worth of groceries! Now we both had to go to customer service to correct the situation. Just then the bagger boy came back, sadly with no answers. " They are all different prices??!" he reported back, clearly confused.

As I was leaving the line for the service desk, the cashier grabbed the chicken from her "helper" and ran off to the poultry cooler. My new "friend" and I had to reverse the transaction at the service desk. He sheepishly apologized while I tried to make light of the situation. Of course when we got back to the line, my chicken and the cashier were MIA . After a few more uncomfortable minutes she returned.

" The sale was on chicken breasts with bones, yours were boneless!"

I thanked her, although at this point I really regretted questioning the price, grabbed the cart and rolled out with my angry side-kick in tow. As we made our way out the door, I started to laugh as I realized how farcical this shopping trip had become. By the time I reached the car, I was laughing so hard, I was crying.

It may not be a good idea to go shopping late at night when you are tired and hungry, but you might get lucky and have someone pay for your purchases.

You Say I Have ADD like it's a Bad Thing?!

I've been diagnosed with Adult ADD. Mind you not by a medical doctor but in the court of public opinion. The first time was several years ago by an employee of a vendor I did business with. Apparently this gentleman was afflicted with ADD and recognized a fellow "sufferer". He founded a local support group in the small southern town in which he lived and was trying to offer me his unsolicited advice. While it was inappropriate to do this with a total stranger, I realized he was trying to be helpful.

I also have been told by a former employee that I was one of the most clear-cut cases of ADD that she has seen. ( notice that she is a "former employee"). This associate's husband was on medication for ADHD at the time.

Recently I found out that one of my siblings is on medication ( Adderal?) for ADD. He finds it helps him in business communications as well as being able to focus.

I for one am happy the way I am without medication. ( unless caffeine is considered a drug ). I also think that we are a label-happy society. Bad habits and idiosyncrasies with medical names become disabilities. So you don't mistake me for Tom Cruise, I think some people clearly need to be medicated and under physician care. I prefer to look at the advantages that ADD brings.

1. People with ADD tend to be highly intelligent and make good entrepreneurs. ( from my well-read former associate who is Mensa material.)

2. ADD helps enhance multi-tasking abilities. ( important if you are an entrepreneur).

3. If you are blessed with ADD, you probably are creative. One of my marketing interns who helped keep me organized told me, " You can pay someone to organize you. You can't pay someone to be creative for you." I think you probably can but it would cost more than a small business person could afford.

4. ADD gives you the ability to eavesdrop on another conversation while having one of your own.
A great power if you are a mom or if you are a busy-body and have to know everything that is going on around you.

5. People tend to underestimate the ADD afflicted and mistake them for being scatterbrained and of less than average intelligence. We just have a lot on our mind and will use this fallacy to our advantage.

Thankfully I use my powers for good, not evil.

Control is only an illusion

Control is an issue we struggle with our entire life. When we are children, we push to be independent from our parents. As young adults, we try to live on our own and are reluctant to ask for help. I don't remember the exact situation but my father's words are burned in my memory.
"You will always be dependent."

At first this statement really bothered me. And then I came to realize he was right. As a parent, he was happy to help lessen my struggles, whether they were financial or emotional. It was a symbiotic relationship. My father derived pleasure at being able to take care of his child, and I was grateful to have support a system.

The tables get turned as we get older. The parent starts to reluctantly depend more on their children. And fights it every step of the way!

This past weekend I took my oldest son for a weekend trip to Connecticut to visit my Aunt & Uncle who moved from California to an assisted living facility near my aunt's family. My Uncle, who is my dad's older brother, and his wife have no children. One of my aunt's nieces and her husband have been working hard to get my Aunt & Uncle's affairs in order.

The visit was a nice chance to bond with my eldest child and help lift the spirits of my uncle.
My son was eager to get away from younger brothers and have an adventure. My uncle was having a difficult time adjusting to living in an assisted living facility and needing round the clock help.

It was an interesting juxtaposition. My 10 year old son, trying to assert his independence and my uncle bemoaning his loss of control over his life.

I advised my uncle to relax, let family help and I made a silent promise to myself that if I find myself in a similar situation in my twilight years, I will let my kids take over.

The Diet Coke & Freezer Experiment

I was getting ready for work this morning and contemplating what to do with my damp, frizzy hair. I seem to be experiencing the pendulum effect from using a straightening iron on my hair.The more I straighten my hair, the frizzier it becomes when I don't.

I heard my eldest son yelling for his father. "Dad! DAAADDD! Come here! "
Whenever there is a crisis, Dad is the go to guy. At the moment let's just say he was indisposed.

" Dad can't come down right now" I yell. " What is the matter?!"

" Something happened to the freezer!" he yelled back.

"Oh shit!" I think to myself. " I bet I know what it is" I say while I bounding down the stairs. I just remembered that I had put a can of Diet Coke into the freezer as I was leaving the house last night to pick the boys up from Karate. I was going to enjoy a "cold one" when I got back home in half an hour or so. I guess I forgot.

"How bad is it?"
"Take a look for yourself!"

Oh crap! The can was split down the side, it must have burst at the seam. I never saw a can blow up that way, and for a brief moment I thought it was cool. Then I surveyed the carnage. I was going to have to completely take out all the shelves & frozen food to clean.

" Dad is going to kill you!"
"Do you think I can get this cleaned before he comes down?" I inquired as I frantically started to pull out the entire contents of the freezer. I scraped the frozen mess off the sides . Some of the Diet Coke chips went flying and relocated to hard to reach places as well as creating a mess on the kitchen floor.
At this point my middle child had arrived and was filled in on the situation by his older brother.

" This is why you never should put drinks in the freezer. Let this be a lesson to you boys" I warn. Like I had somehow planned this whole fiasco to serve as a demonstration on what not to do.
" We would never do that! You are gonna be in trouble!" they chimed in unison.

I felt like a child and then I remembered, " I'm an adult. What is my husband going to do? Spank me? I don't think so!"

I had made pretty good progress when down came Dad. " What happened?".
My middle son ratted me out before anyone else could. " Mom put a Diet Coke in the freezer and it exploded!"
"You big dummy!" my husband said. " You might want to put some clothes on. The neighbors can see through our sheers, you know!"

It was getting close to the time the children needed to leave for the bus stop and I was in my underwear. While I doubt anyone would see me, I didn't want to risk it. I ran upstairs, threw on some jeans & a tee shirt. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. If my husband was Don Imus, he would have called me a nappy-haired ho!

I went back to the scene of the crime, this time with clothes on! I worked fast and furious to finish. After what I thought was a thorough cleaning, I failed inspection. Twice!

I now had 5 minutes to fix my hair, put on make-up and find some clean clothes to wear for work. Needless to say I was late. On the bright side, it gave me something to bitch about to my workmates and to my friend David (who always has better horror stories). It also gave me something to blog about.

MySpace Tom - I'm Sorry

www.myspace.com/tom

As if there was ever a doubt, I am now officially a dumb-ass!

Tom, I am soooo very sorry that I thought you were a stalker. It has been brought to my attention that you are the president of MySpace and appear on new members friend's list as sort of a Spirit Guide to the Nether-World of MySpace. A social director, like Julie on Love-Boat. Who knew?
Apparently everybody but me.

You, with your goofy, toothy grin, were my first MySpace friend and I foolishly deleted you. I am such a loser. At least on MySpace, I had a friend.

On Blogger, I had to create another identity so I could have at least one comment. All those profile views are ME, checking to see if anyone looked at MY blog. Did you know that every time you click on your own profile, it looks like you have viewers? I probably shouldn't tell anyone but GUESS WHAT? - no one except me is reading this!!!!

Now I know what Jessica Simpson must have felt like when she discovered that "CHICKEN OF THE SEA" is a metaphor for Tuna. She does know that now, right?
I had the chance to count the most popular and influential person on MySpace as my friend and I blew it. With over 171 million friends, you must be a good guy. And now I have no friends.

Can you blame me for thinking you wanted a piece of this? ----->

My Space Friend - Tom

Tom, I'm sorry. You had to be deleted. Nothing personal, I do not know you and I do not need any new friends. You gotta admit, it's kind of creepy the way you just popped up in my Friends section on my brand new MySpace account.

Last night I set up a MySpace Account. I just wanted to see what it was all about. All my much younger associates have one and I was curious. I was told that in order to view profiles, you must have an account. Well now that I am a BLOGGER, I thought, why not venture into MySpace, although I gotta admit I was a bit nervous. It was Friday the 13th and I was a bit intimidated by this cyber-space swimming pool of humanity.

In the profile I had to put my birthday, zip code and other personal information. Why was I here: Friends? Dating?, Relationships or Networking? Well I am not looking to make any new friends; certainly not for dating or relationships ( affairs?). As I am married with children, I checked Networking. Then there was the preference box: Straight, Gay, Bi or No Preference. What do I check? I am Straight and have friends that are Gay. If I check No Preference, what does that mean? Would someone think I was a bi-curious, bored suburban Mom looking for some hot lesbian action? I clicked on Straight.

After filling out what I felt was the bare minimum info to set up my account, I was one click away from joining. I was nervous. Blogger seems so much more anonymous.I held my breath and joined. I reviewed my profile & to my surprise I already had a friend. His name is Tom.

Oh shit! I do not know him. Why is he in my space? What would my husband think? I need to get rid of him. Will Tom be hurt or mad ? Will he become a stalker? I was a little afraid. My best option was to delete him. I think I fixed the settings so that only people I invite can be my friends.

Sorry Tom, no offense but you had to go. You really shouldn't sneak up on people like that!

Crazy Cardboard Lady

Nicknames help define who we are and our relationship to others. They can be a term of endearment such as Baby, Hubby or to identify someone by their function such as Magazine Guy, DHL Lady. Unusual habits or features also make for good labels such as Cyclops for the girl with a glass eye or Super Hero guy for the customer who collects comic book memorabilia.

Today I became " Crazy Cardboard Lady".

I am trying to do my part for the environment and recycle when I can. We can accumulate quite a bit of cardboard at work and I bring a van-load bi-weekly to a nearby recycling center. I feel like a bit of an oddity there surrounded by construction workers bringing in old gutters and siding and vagabonds bringing in shopping carts filled with cans.

After several months of drop-offs I am recognized with nods and the occasional wave from the workers there. I wondered how they refer to me. Do they appreciate my cardboard offerings? Do I have a nickname?

Today when one of the older gentlemen nodded and came over to help, I had to ask. " Do I have a nickname?"
" What do you want to be called?" he asked
" Crazy Cardboard Lady!" I exclaimed, gleefully.
He laughed. It's always a good day when I can put a smile on someone's face. Even when it is at the expense of my dignity. Wait, who am I kidding. I have no dignity.
But...TODAY I HAVE A NICKNAME - I'm Crazy Cardboard Lady, a name tag I will wear proudly!

Leaf Blowers and Street Cleaners - a random stream of ?

I got into work early today so I could have a cup of coffee, play a game of Free Cell, and check email and bank accounts before anyone came in. As I was getting my cup o' joe, I noticed a man with a leaf blower - at 7:30 in the morning?! What the hell for? .... probably clearing debris from the parking lot before the "suits" came in.

I just don't get the point of leaf blowers. It seems to be a huge waste of energy... unless you want to do your part to help melt the polar caps! What the hell happened to rakes & push brooms? Do you think that blowing your leaves into the street or on your neighbor's property is going to make them go away???

On that note, what about street cleaners? I passed one the other day kicking up a cloud of dust. Can anyone tell me why it is necessary for a large steamroller-like vehicle pushing a giant roller/brush to kick up street dirt? Where does all this flying dust go?

I'll tell you - on my car, right after I had it washed! I think that's the way the city gets rid of street dirt: by transferring it to passing traffic. Why else would they do this during rush hour?
Next time you pass a street cleaning vehicle you can count that as community service.

Religion - Punishment or Country Club for the Soul?

When it comes to religion, I like to refer to our family as "Cashews" - my husband was raised Catholic and I was raised Jewish ( reformed). While neither of us is particularly observant, we want our children to be aware of their heritage. We also love holidays with food, games and presents and this way we have twice as many "celebrations".

For Easter, Grand-mommy ( my mother-in-law ) makes up Easter baskets or bags for my boys and we have Easter brunch with my husband's family. We do not typically have Easter baskets for the boys at our house because this would fall under my domain. I feel funny doing the "fun" part without having the boys understand the real meaning of Easter. Being Jewish, it would fall under my husband's responsibility.

After brunch my middle child, who is all about candy and sweets, asked if we were going to have an Easter Egg hunt when we got home. I told him that we need to go to church first. When we got home, he inquired about going to Church. ( I guess he thought he'd call our bluff ). My husband, well schooled in guilt, a staple of both our upbringings, gave our child a stern look.

" What do you think the priest will say to you about going to Church, just because you want an Easter Egg hunt? Easter Services are not about Jesus and the Easter Bunny!"

This reminded me of last year when he told my oldest son I was going to take him to Temple on Yom Kippur - the Jewish Day of Atonement. I think he was trying to punish the boy ( I can't remember why ). I refused to subject a child to several hours of seriously long and torturous services. Instead, I spoke to a local reform Temple that was known for "mixed" families. I was sent information on membership and upcoming events. The original idea was to find a family friendly function for us to go to.

It seemed like a good idea.... until I looked at the dues structure. Yikes! What is this, a country club? Then it hit me - why yes, Religion is a Country Club for the Soul!

I guess we are not the country club type!

Can You Hear Me Now??????

One of my pet peeves is rude people on cell phones in public places. I am not anti-cell phone. I have one and feel naked if I don't carry it with me at all times. All I ask for is some common sense & courtesy. Simple things like turning your off ( or at least to vibrate ) when in meetings, a movie theater or performance or at a luncheon or dinner.

When I had a shop in a busy urban area we had many annoying experiences:
1. The Businessman who came into our shop solely to get away from noisy traffic so he could have a cell phone conversation.
2. The loud talker who exposed staff & customers to T.M.I. - way too much information. (Her mother recently passed away, she lost her job & her life- partner was cheating on her......)
3. The shopper with lots of packages from other stores taking over our sales counter so she could answer her phone. ( none of this was our merchandise)
4. The lone shopper with an ear piece so you would think she was either speaking to you or a crazy lady talking to herself.

I could go on, but you get the idea. My people would react by turning up the volume on the stereo in a passive-aggressive way to show their displeasure.

I decided to take a more direct approach & came up with a set of rules that we posted. This way we could politely ask someone if they could take their call outside if they were disturbing us. While I was unsure how these rules would be taken, I was surprised by the overwhelming positive response.

Cell Phone Rules

We request you follow our 5 Basic Cell Phone Rules

1. Keep your conversation polite, short and quiet!
We recommend either taking a message or stepping outside.

2. Respect the personal space of those around you.
Maintain at least a 10 ft. zone from anyone while talking.

3. Private conversations should be kept private.
Although we may personally find your conversation entertaining, it is disruptive to our business.

4. Don’t keep others waiting. Put the phone down and take care of business first!

5. Anything you say, can and will be used against you!
Surveillance cameras are in operation! We reserve the right to submit these tapes to Reality TV Shows, Local Authorities or to Friends for personal amusement.

Manicure Scissors can cut hair!

My then 3 year old practicing his fine motor skills

One day while getting my 2 older boys ready for school, my preschooler, who was running a fever, was given some Tylenol and left unsupervised upstairs with his sleeping father. When he came back downstairs, his hair was wet & a patch of scalp was showing.
Me: "Colin! What happened to your hair?!!!"
Colin: " I cut it!"
Me: " Why would you do such a thing?"
Colin:" To get the dirt out!"

I went upstairs to see how he did this as I was pretty sure the hair scissors were in a child-proof drawer. I found a sink littered with fine hair clippings and a pair of manicure scissors on the bathroom counter. Of course I was in trouble with my husband for not supervising him. Dad made me leave his hair untouched as punishment. ( mostly for me, I think ).

In speaking with other mothers, I found that lots of kids do this and that even plastic child safety scissors can cut hair. At least he didn't do this right before a school or holiday picture! The teachers got a kick out of his new 'do.
" That Colin is always practicing his fine motor skills!" one of his teachers exclaimed.

A few days later, I caught him starting to cut his hair again. At that point I decided to shave it all off! Not sure what the lesson is here because there are so many ways kids can get in trouble and it is difficult to watch them every second.

In a perfect world, all scissors would be locked up, all sharp objects also hidden and all plastic safety outlet covers would always be put back immediately after vacuuming. Which reminds me of the time we caught this same child playing with paper clips and starting to put one in an open outlet. He was one poke away from getting fried.... What can I say? I am a bad momma!

Recipe for LesPâtes au Fromage

An old family recipe that is sure to be a hit

Les pâtes au fromage

1. Mettre les pâtes dans un bol de 1.5 à 2 litres. Ajouter 1 3/4
tasses
d'eau chaude.

2. Passer les pâtes sans couvercle au four micro-onde pendant 8 à 10
minutes, ou jusqu'à ce que les pâtes aient absorbé toute l'eau, en les
remuant toutes les 3 minutes.

3. Ajouter 1/4 tasse de margarine, 1/4 tasse de lait et le Mélange de
Sauce
de Fromage. Bien mélanger. Résultats: à peu près 3 tasses de pâtes

Household tips

I’m often asked how I am able to do it all. Juggling motherhood with keeping house and running a small business is tough but I have learned a few tricks.
First it is necessary to have a supportive life partner or spouse. Do not attempt this on your own.

Recipe for Cleaning House
One of our favorite motivators to clean house in a timely fashion is to invite friends over when it is time to clean.

We usually wait until we can’t stand the mess and filth any more and one of us will extend an invite to friends or family to come over for a meal.It is important to allow at least three hours for speed cleaning and a quick trip to the grocery store.

Start cleaning the rooms most likely to be visited. Start with the main floor powder room, kitchen and family and living rooms.

When dusting, if a piece of furniture is covered with books or other decorative items, just dust the edges around the exposed wood that can be seen. After quickly dusting and running a vaccum cleaner, wash only the high traffic areas of the linoleom or tiled floor.

If you still have at least two hours to spare, now would be a good time to make a quick run to the store. Pre-cooked foods such as roasted chicken, mashed potatoes , some other vegetables as well as a nice cake or pie are among the best items to pick up.
Also beer, wine or any other alcoholic beverage is a good idea. A guest with a slight buzz on is a happy guest and less likely to notice any imperfections.
After rushing only the bare necessities home, replace store bought food containers with your own serving dishes to give a home cooked appearance.
Now would be a good time to hop into the shower, followed by a quick cleaning of your bathrooms.
Get dressed, pour yourself a glass of wine and you are ready to greet your guests.

Laundry Tips

The hardest part about doing laundry is folding and putting it away once you are done. A time-saving tip we discovered is to leave your clean clothing in the bucket,taking it out as it is needed.

This works best with the children’s clothes. They don’t need to have neatly ironed clothes. No one really notices and if they do you can blame it on how active they are. It also works well on adult under garments.If anyone notices, you have bigger problems than wrinkled undies!Be extra careful not to mix up your clean and dirty laundry.


Bath Time Savers

When giving a dirty child a bath, why not put all your kids in the tub at once. Not only does this save on time and water, the kids have fun.

If you have any pets, throw them in too!

Water on the floor?... Not to worry. Just pull out a shirt or towel out of your dirty laundry to wipe up the wet floor. Why waste a perfectly good sponge when you are going to have to wash your laundry anyway!

Oklahoma, soon to be a state quarter?

All 3 of my boys have recently began to collect state quarters. This is a great hobby that is educational as well as fun. They use a puzzle map of the United States to help organize their collections and to check for which states are missing. The boys are very competitive and enjoy trading to expand their collections. They also will raid Mom & Dad's coin purses to see if they can find any "good" quarters.

Our precocious 6 year old announced the other day that Oklahoma was going to be a state soon. He was pretty sure this was going to be the next quarter too.
When I asked him where he got this idea from, he replied, " Oklahoma is the Sooner State!"

Apparently the puzzle has the nicknames posted under the states' names!

Warning: Clorox Disinfecting Wipes Are Not For Hands & Faces

A few years ago while I was shopping at Sam's Club, I spotted these wipes. I picked up a bunch thinking they would be great for the car to clean up my kids before & after meals.

When I got back to work and showed this purchase to one of my much younger and smarter associates, she looked at me as if I was a complete moron.

" You will poison your children if you use this on them!" she said. " Don't you know that bleach is a poison?!!!! (This came from the same employee that disapproved of my using Comet Cleanser to get stains out of coffee cups that were left unwashed in the sink because it contained bleach.)
In reading the label, we found that while the wipes do not contain bleach they do use Dimethyl Ethylbenzyl Ammonium Chloride to kill bacteria.

I guess it would help if I read the label. Another interesting sort of related bit of household cleaning trivia: Did you know if you mix Comet ( contains bleach ) and Mr. Clean ( ammonia ), you create a bio-hazard / poisonous gas ( Chlorine Gas )? I discovered this while trying to get rid of bathtub scum. Luckily I have a husband that is smart & picked up the scent in the early stages. Just call me the housework terrorist!

Lesson: Pay attention to product labels and be more aware of what household chemicals can be harmful to friends and family. Disinfectants meant for laundry and non-porous surfaces are not healthy for the human body.

The Importance of Reading Glasses After 40

"No, Colin!", he shouted as my then 9 year old son pushed his 5 year old brother out of my reaches. "Don't let her give you your medicine! Let Dad do it!"

It was at that moment I realized my children were afraid of me and my label reading abilities.
Sadly, I had given slightly higher than recommended doses of cold medicine a few times. The last time my 9 year old was given a much higher dose of cold medicine and was drowsy all day.

I was about to relinquish this duty to my husband but he stood firm. " You need to learn how to do this properly. Go get your reading glasses!"

I found one of the many pairs I have scattered about the house and found that the labels are much easier to read with magnified vision. Correct dosage was given and I have never made that mistake again.

Lesson: Reading glasses may hurt your ego but your family will be safer!

Welcome

Happy St. Pat's Day!
This is my first entry as well as my first attempt at a blog.

One of my favorite ways to view my mistakes in life is as "teaching moments". I have a lot of these.
As I stumble along the way as a late-in-life wife and mom, I realized I could be doing a great service to others in sharing my life lessons.

Such as:
Reading Glasses are Important - especially when dispensing medicine
Clorax Disinfecting Wipes are not meant for cleaning hands & faces!
Short Cuts in House-Keeping
Fast and Easy Meals for the short-order cook
How to Shave Time Off Your Morning Routine and get to work & school on time

and much, much more.

Bear with me as I get this posted & play with formatting! Thanks for checking my blog out!