Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Up to My Elbows in Self-Pity
The folks at AARP have got the Mid-Life Crisis Train rolling. The bastards won't leave me alone. It started right before my 50th birthday and a few days ago I received my 4th plastic "membership" card with a deadline of August to reply.
When I look in the mirror I swear I can see my neck slowly sag bit by bit each day. A few new gray hairs have turned into a big forest and I now need to color my hair every 6 to 8 weeks. The final straw was when I asked two of my boys if my arms looked saggy in my sleeveless dress.
Apparently I can still pass for 39, except in my elbows. When I straighten my arms the skin around that area sags. Is there such a thing as an elbow lift? I sure could use one! That will teach me to ask my boys for fashion advice. Kid's can be brutally honest....
If that was not enough to put me over the edge, the recent list of Obituaries has sent me reeling.
First Farrah Fawcett (in her 60's but looked much younger), then Michael Jackson, age 50 with 3 children who are close in age to mine. TV Pitchman Billy Mays, age 50 followed close behind. On Sunday, the director of the Columbus Zoo, Jeffrey Swanagan, age 51 died of a heart attack suffered while mowing his lawn.
All these passages at a relatively young age have got me thinking of my own mortality. I'm not ready to leave this life yet.
Time for Some Light Housework
Well time to get off the couch, stretch and get a bit of exercise. Don't worry, I'll be sure not to over-exert myself. I don't want to suffer a heart attack while scaling the stairs with my laundry bucket. A few light loads should do the trick. At least I'll have clean underwear for when the EMTs come to haul me away....
Just kidding. I think. O.k. gotta go!