Sum it Up Sunday - Week in Review

Time is Running Out!
This lovely Calculator-Alarm Clock came in the mail Wednesday thanks to my husband doing a price-comparison on Auto insurance. Even though I have yet to join AARP and I've gone through a 3rd extension of the deadline to join, I was sent this lovely gift. No note. Just showed up in the mail. Couldn't help but think there was a subliminal message involved. Kind of like the horse head from The Godfather!


Brace Yourself

Eldest Son got his braces off & on Thursday, received his retainer. He is supposed to wear this gadget 24/7 with a few exceptions. So far he's not being very cooperative. He's either eating, about to eat, just eaten or "playing sports". Said sports include: throwing a Nerf football with his baby brother, riding his bike around the neighborhood, and playing with neighborhood kids.

I've made a new rule: No retainer, No TV!

Miracles do Happen

This week I also had my 1st Parent-Teacher conference for my 6th-grader. He is doing well in school and is well-liked by all. Only negative is his organizational skills (or lack thereof). He needs to slow-down, proof-read his work and organize his notebook & backpack. My 7th grader likes to be organized and has been making fun of what a disaster his brother's locker is.

I also struggled with being Organizationally-impaired growing up. It is a life-long battle.

We decided that it might be a good idea for Alex to come in early one day a week to straighten & properly file papers at school. I also approached the idea of my oldest son helping his brother with his locker. My middle-son reluctantly agreed to let his brother help, as long as he wouldn't be "judged".

I came home Friday afternoon to find that both boys stayed after school to straighten up the messy locker. Without being told and without any bickering!

It's not even Christmas yet. Miracles really do happen!

The Plague Hits Home
Yesterday we discovered my middle-child was running a high fever and has caught some sort of Flu-Bug. We are keeping him sequestered mostly in his room, letting his roommate/younger brother camp-out in the loft on a sofa. At this point, I would guess that we are all exposed and at risk. But just in case, we are taking a few precautions.

My husband spoke to our pediatrician. The epidemic has hit our schools, with as much as 50% of the student population that may be infected in the next week or two. Not much we can do but keep our patient comfortable, hydrated and isolated. Could last for several days.

I now am worried every time I have a "Hot-Flash". Menopause or the Flu? Perhaps I need to start wearing a surgical mask!

New Bike
Christmas also came early in the way of a shiny new bicycle for my eldest. Devon has been wanting a new bike with gears and other accoutrement befitting a teenage boy. He will be turning 13 in a few months but couldn't wait. After a few weeks of shopping around, he found "the one" today at Target!

Much to my husband's surprise, the kid even brought a wad of cash from his allowance and odd-job payouts. I guess "Santa" will have to find another gift to bring!

Bad Momma in the City!

I'm so excited! I finally got to meet Momo Fali. And she's taking me with her to BlogHer!!!!
One small problem. In order to make room for all the luggage & passengers that she is picking up along the way, I needed to be a bit more "compact".


There is quite a bit of road construction near her house ( actually all over the city - thanks to Stimulus Money). We quickly hatched a plan to create Flat Bad Momma. Thanks to the men in yellow hats & shirts, the steel road reinforcements worked really well.

To help polish me up a bit, I went to a nearby print shop, Photographic Creations where the owner, Mike took good care of me. He even introduced me to Buckeye icons, Kirk Herbstreit and Woody Hayes. What an honor!

Now I am with another "Buckeye Great" - Momo Fali who is graciously taking me for a wild and crazy weekend in Chicago. I hope all my blog friends who are going to BlogHer, will stop and take a photo with me. Rumor has it that I might be working registration. Momo also promised to take me to a few parties.

I can't wait!!!!!

One More Possible Sponsorship

In my last post, I mentioned a few products that I would be willing to shill for a reasonable "fee".
I forgot to mention one of my beauty staples: Garnier Nutrisse hair color.
HoneyDip #73 for the Summer and Brown Sugar #63 for the rest of the year.
I would make a great spokesmodel for the AARP set. (bastards won't leave me alone. For the last time: I don't want your stinking benefits and shiny membership card!)


Move over Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm taking over. It's Bad Momma in the City, baby!

Endorsements for a Late-In-Life Mom

Mike from Unraveling Life's Mysteries, posted about possible endorsements he was available for as an older father of teenage daughters. Products he could use in his daily life.

I was so inspired, I decided to come up with my own list. These are products that I actually use and would be willing to promote for a very reasonable fee.

The Bad Momma "Pick Me" List:

First off: Reading Glasses: Especially when dispensing medications. These handy magnifying lenses can help save lives! Thankfully I learned this before my children were seriously harmed. I'd be willing to do a PSA on this! The Importance of Reading Glasses After 40




Next on my list: Bandages, Anti-Bacterial ointment, First-Aid Kits. I have three boys. Enough said!


Another very important part of my life: COFFEE
It's what's for breakfast! I'd even be willing to be filmed riding a mule with Juan Valdez!




I also enjoy an occasional glass of wine to help take the edge off of a long day.

I think the folks at Mad Housewife should use me on their label when they come up with the next generation of vintages: Bad Housewife tm.





After my run-in with a stop-sign crashing driver, I would be happy to endorse Travelers Insurance (the at fault drivers insurance).

They were prompt and fair with the rental car & settlement. And no, alcohol was not involved!


The folks at Chrysler should use me as a "Spokes-model" for the Town & Country mini-van. We been proud owners of five of these reliable vans. (or as Weasel Momma likes to call them - "MILF mobiles) My latest is the 2008 with Stow-n-Go and the Touring Package. Came with 1 year of Sirius Radio and my husband is hooked on the Comedy Channel.

Next up is a very important part of my life, that keeps me connected: My "Smart Phone" - the Samsung Omnia. It was a ChanuKwanzamas present from the Cell-Phone Fairy.

There are a few drawbacks. In addition to "my butt dialing out" as well as texting without my permission, the screen is hard to read without reading glasses.

I would like to help with the next generation of cell phones for "Seniors" called the "Eye Phone"patent pending for the over 40 crowd.


And finally, thanks to the folks at AARP, I am now considered a "Senior". I have noticed as I have turned 50 this year, the aging process has accelerated and I could use a bit of maintenance.
I would love to work with the folks at Extreme Makeover for a new series: Extreme Makeover- The Senior Edition.

After helping to pioneer a new procedure, "The Elbow Lift", I would also like to be considered for a Tummy-Tuck, Neck Lift and Mini-Face Lift. ( and any other improvements deemed necessary to turn me into a Cougar.)

Going to BlogHer (sort of)

Momo Fali has graciously offered to take a flattened version of me with her to BlogHer. I would love to have my picture taken with you if you are going to be there. I should have a photo to post tomorrow of "Flat Bad Momma".

If any of you have connections to sponsors, feel free to hook me up!

Mid-Life Crisis

Up to My Elbows in Self-Pity
The folks at AARP have got the Mid-Life Crisis Train rolling. The bastards won't leave me alone. It started right before my 50th birthday and a few days ago I received my 4th plastic "membership" card with a deadline of August to reply.

When I look in the mirror I swear I can see my neck slowly sag bit by bit each day. A few new gray hairs have turned into a big forest and I now need to color my hair every 6 to 8 weeks. The final straw was when I asked two of my boys if my arms looked saggy in my sleeveless dress.

Apparently I can still pass for 39, except in my elbows. When I straighten my arms the skin around that area sags. Is there such a thing as an elbow lift? I sure could use one! That will teach me to ask my boys for fashion advice. Kid's can be brutally honest....

In Memoriam
If that was not enough to put me over the edge, the recent list of Obituaries has sent me reeling.
First Farrah Fawcett (in her 60's but looked much younger), then Michael Jackson, age 50 with 3 children who are close in age to mine. TV Pitchman Billy Mays, age 50 followed close behind. On Sunday, the director of the Columbus Zoo, Jeffrey Swanagan, age 51 died of a heart attack suffered while mowing his lawn.

All these passages at a relatively young age have got me thinking of my own mortality. I'm not ready to leave this life yet.

Time for Some Light Housework

Well time to get off the couch, stretch and get a bit of exercise. Don't worry, I'll be sure not to over-exert myself. I don't want to suffer a heart attack while scaling the stairs with my laundry bucket. A few light loads should do the trick. At least I'll have clean underwear for when the EMTs come to haul me away....

Just kidding. I think. O.k. gotta go!

Suck it AARP - I'm Gonna Have My Best Day Ever

Me & my fellow "Cougar" looking to make turning 50 as much fun as a day at the beach!

Bought a new car and am going "topless" today! Woo Hoo!

Today is the day, I cut up my new AARP card and am going to have my best day ever!
So far my day is off to a good start!

1. My bathroom scale indicated that I am 3 pounds lighter than the day before.

2. I bought myself a new sports car. ( see photo above)

3. I have had several calls & emails from well-wishers

And it's not even lunch time yet!!!!!

The sun is shining and I am in a good mood, let hope the rest of the day continues to go well....

Stay tuned!

WTF Moment

I came home to this lovely offer sitting on the kitchen table. My DH (this time the D is not for dear) not only opened my mail but neatly left this money-saving proposal on top of my reading pile. Even though he was not here at the time, I imagined the smirk on his face.* (think I can get him for tampering with my mail?)

A.A.R.P.?!!!! W.T.F.???

In another month I will be half a century old, 5 decades, 5o Fabulous Years Young! Other than a few more gray hairs, wrinkles and aches, I feel pretty good and not much different from my 30's. I am no where near retirement age.

Or am I????

My back is starting to ache, I feel extra frown lines forming and I swear I just felt another patch of hair turn to gray.


I just had a Senior Moment.

Thank you A.A.R.P.!

*the reason my hubby thinks this is so amusing is that he is 1 1/2 years younger than me. (I look years younger, though.) ;p