The Accountability Project

I remember this time last year, sitting in the middle-school auditorium and listening to the PTO President give words of advice to parents as part of orientation: Make sure you get to know your kids' friends AND the parents of your kids' friends. Mixed in with other advice (more like warnings) I was a bit terrified of what I might expect in our freshman year at Middle school.

"We were also told in many different ways that this will be a challenging year ( I believe the term "wild ride" was used once or twice!). The PTO lady also stressed the importance of making sure you were involved in your child's life. Also to get to know all their friends. And the parents of their friends. This was the most important mission of the PTO.

WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO! What kind of "Wild Ride" lies ahead????"

Fortunately, last year was a pretty smooth ride. This year looks to be a bit bumpier. Not so much at school but more so in our neighborhood. Between a few new faces in the 'hood and the boundaries of nearby playmates expanding, there are lots more boys, pick-up games of ball and noise filling our street. With all this additional testosterone also more skirmishes and incidents of bullying.

The Turning Point

This summer, after a fight broke out in the middle of a "friendly" game of Kick-Ball, the mom of the house took action. She escorted the fight-starter home and told his mother what had happened that day. As well as some other incidents she had heard about but not witnessed.

The mother of the "fight-starter" took disciplinary action. Once the flow of information started, an amazing improvement in behavior was made.

Making Policy

That day, a new policy was started. From now on, if there was an "incident of bad behavior", the rest of the children were responsible for telling a parent and the offending child (children) would be escorted home. There would also be a ban of a week until the child(children) would be allowed back. Any child that does not report, or takes matters into their own hands, will also be punished. Game over.

Meeting of the Moms

As new boys have entered the circle, the process continues. We are continuing to meet new mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers & aunts and exchanging phone numbers. The process works both ways: we also get reports on our children. While it won't completely put a stop to fights and bullying, I have noticed a remarkable improvement.

At first I was a bit apprehensive about meeting parents of the "problem children" but have been pleasantly surprised. We all share similar goals and none of our children are perfect. I love the fact that if there is a problem, I know who to talk to and conversely as well. It really does take a village to raise a child.

I am also finding that our children make better choices when they know they are being watched. And held accountable!

Dateline: Monday.... found a great article related to this topic:
http://www.slate.com/id/2223976/pagenum/all/#p2

Evil Genius In the Making?

Tonight the boys have been playing and fighting on & off. One minute they're playing quietly and the next moment the younger two have been running to me and complaining about their older brother.

There is no doubt my oldest is my baddest and most obnoxious child. I think he takes pride in this. I also know that the middle and youngest boys like to instigate a fight and play victim. Sometimes I try to separate or mediate and other times, like tonight, I tire of the chaos and tell them to work it out.

Of course there needs to be a threat, such as " If I have to tell you boys one more time to be quiet and stop fighting....." followed by a consequence. Tonight's was " You won't be allowed to have a sleep-over at your cousins' house tomorrow."

A short time later, my 6 year old "baby" hands me this note ( pictured above ).

"Mom! Devon gave me this note" he whines with a sad, hurt look on his face.

" Dear Colin, You have a brain that is the size of an ant and the ant is 1/1000 of an inch." proclaims the offending missive.

" Devvvon!!" I yell " Come down here!"

My oldest promptly comes to see what I want.

" Did you write this note?" I ask

" No " he replies " That is not my writing! It looks like Colin's"

The printed note is in much neater than my 6 year old's typical writing. I look him in the eye and repeat the question. I get the same response and realize he is telling the truth. I call down my middle child. Same interrogation, same answer. I finally call down my youngest, who left the room when I called his oldest brother down.

"Colin, did you write this note?" I sternly ask while I make him look me in the eye.

" Yes..." he replied. " I did it because Devon was hurting me and I wanted to get him in trouble."

" Well it didn't work!" I said and sent Colin to his room for lying.

When he was out of earshot I looked at his brothers and warned them that they better watch out. Their baby brother is getting quite clever. One day he will get revenge and it won't be pretty. Like the bunny in "Hoodwinked", his cute, cuddly demeanor belies the evil genius that lurks within.